@Neauxpe: Anytime a religious organization follows me I just assume I'm being used as a case study/example and they are praying super hard.
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@batkaren: I lovingly caress my belly. "You're expecting?" a woman asks. I smile serenely. "Just ate an amazing burrito," I tell her.
@MsSkarsgaard: Not to brag but at the last family reunion I didn't talk to a single person. No idea whose family it was. Lots of beer though. Recommend.
@canazn_73: Apparently the unbuttoning of a shirt and letting your hair down for a cop only works for women.
@AnnietheNanny1: What kind of shit holiday encourages kids to ring my doorbell AND ask for free food?