@Neauxpe: Anytime a religious organization follows me I just assume I'm being used as a case study/example and they are praying super hard.
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@EJGomez: if ur getting chased by a bunch of drunk 90's kids just yell out "in west Philadelphia born & raised" then u got like 2 min to run
@abhorrent_wife: Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don't have to share.
@RedBeard3000: Officer: have you been drinking? Me: no sir 0: you were swerving M: Twitter O: oh, I'm on Twitter what's your handle M: yes, I was drinking