@RealDMK: Anytime I cannot find my kids I just go to the bathroom and wait for them to barge in
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@myonlymizztake: My date didn't go as planned and now I don't know what to do with this kiddie pool full of nacho cheese.
@CakeThrottle: I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel. It was tomorrow.
@dshack8: "Lady In Red" is my favorite song about a guy that's trying to get laid even though he can't remember her goddamn name.
@beerfartchamp: I just witnessed a co worker eat a cupcake with no frosting. What kind of devil worshiping nonsense is this?