@RealDMK: Anytime I cannot find my kids I just go to the bathroom and wait for them to barge in
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@zachreinert03: One time I saw a duck get hit by a wonder bread truck and that's pretty much why I try not to get too ambitious
@GrantTanaka: me: [trying to be cool af at the bar] gimme a beer bartender: what kind me: the...the drinking kind
@wickedsuga: Randomly play a recording of a candy bar wrapper being opened just to keep your kids on their toes.