@MUMSIEesq: Anytime I pass an unlocked minivan I throw a few of my kids' most annoying toys in the trunk.
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@Rebecca8672: Awkward=when autocorrect changes 'sooner' to 'sober' so email to 8 yr. old's teacher reads "I apologize for not getting back to you sober"
@TheDizzyBeauty: Thank God for semi colon's. How would I have ever been able to flirt if they didn't exist?
@causticbob: A boy asks his mom, "Why am I black and you're white?" She says, "Don't even go there. The way that party went, you're lucky you don't bark"
@NateMorrising: He stole my heart, so I stole his last name. Is the slogan of a very famous body parts and new ID shop in Mexico.