@dshack8: Anytime I'm watching something on tv my wife starts talking to me as if her words are going to expire if she doesn't use them.
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@Book_Krazy: Judge: So, you don't know how the victims blood got in your car? Clown: In my defense Your Honor, there were 46 other passengers in the car
@AristotlesNZ: This dog must been at some wild ass party last night. He still wearing a lampshade around his neck.
@Staggfilms: Rock Singer: I SAID, YOU READY TO HAVE A GOOD TIME? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Me: DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WE DON'T HAVE MICROPHONES ON THIS SIDE?!