@Piecezilla: Apologies your honor [slides ventriloquist dummy back under my seat] I was told these proceedings were going to be televised.
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@TimFernholz: The @NewYorker buying Twitter ads to promote its article about how Twitter is dying kind of undercuts the thesis
@danielvisme: I'm not staying up all night to get lucky. If it doesn't happen by midnight, I'm going to bed.
@KeetPotato: [uses my last wish to be reincarnated as a bird] me: [as my dad vomits directly in my mouth] "i did not think this through"
@TeaPainUSA: If Trump wins the presidency, you know who's gonna be the most excited about buildin' a Southern border fence? Canada.