@FlyoverJoel: Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
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@kimt205: Eaten so many blue cheese stuffed olives today that it feels like France and Greece are waging a war for land in my intestines.
@Fred_Delicious: [2 dogs eating dinner] "u know Sharon, that life insurance policy u found me is great" [stops chewing] "why does this taste like chocolate"
@duplicitron: Once a guy at the grocery store yelled at me to stop talking on a banana like a phone so I hung up and shot him with it.