@JoshDenny: Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
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@jonnysun: i asked my mom why she was crying and she said because shes choping onions which is sad becuase as a young child she was adopted by onions
@SteveKoehler22: Our daughter ran away from home once when she was a teenager. We were frantic. Within months, we called the police to report her missing.
@KKAlThani: A cop stopped me & asked "do you know why I followed you" so I said "cause my tweets are funny" & we laughed & high-fived & I'm in jail.
@luiki89: It's been a horrible morning so far. My ex got run over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver :(