@EricaTheThor: Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
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@OtherDanOBrien: GUY: Your logic is flawed. According to experts- ME: Excuse me, but I practiced this argument in my head & you're saying the wrong things
@alfageeek: Niece: A have a lot of friends named Nathan, there’s Nathan...(endless droning about nicknames) Me: When they are together, do you call them The United Nathans? (Not sure what happened after that because I was laughing hysterically at what may be the best dad joke ever made.)
@notbedelia: 911: what's your emergency? M: I'm out of ketchup. 911: miss I don't think u get how 911 works. M: I DONT THINK U GET HOW HOT DOGS WORK
@hippieswordfish: before guns were invented, armies had to throw bullets at each other and if a bullet touched you, you had to sit out until the next war
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