@EricaTheThor: Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
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@Jandalize: With the money I found in the dryer, the girl in me says buy chocolate and candy, but the adult in me says buy beer, chocolate and candy.
@scenesfromahat: As a man, I honor Christopher Columbus every day of the year by refusing to ask for directions.
@VintageKriner: "You're more likely to be killed in a car wreck than eaten by a shark." The shark made a convincing argument, so I got out of the cage.
@ComedicBust: *On my Deathbed* Me: Tell Tac.. *cough* Wife: What sweetie? Tell who what?! Me: Tell Taco Bell their cheese to lettuce ratio is way off..