@michaeljhudson: A parliament of owls, a murder of crows, a thatsso of ravens

@Marlebean: When you hear your kid shout "HERE, HOLD MY LOLLIPOP!" you know it's about to go down.

@tiemoose: me: do you want to feel my face, i'm very handsome blind date: you do know i'm not actually blind, right? me: *stuffing ryan gosling bust back into my bag* yes of course

@SufficientCharm: The easiest way to confuse a man is to wear a straight jacket that accentuates your cleavage.

@mellimelle: Match dot com, but for socks.