@CharismaFueled: Apparently, changing your profile to "Flirty, dirty and a little squirty" gets you kicked out of Christian Mingle.
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@handokotjung: How to be happier: 1. Exercise 2. Lift weight 3. When you've become stronger due to those exercises, smack the person who made you unhappy.
@SteveSuckington: [walks into Halloween party with a hot dog taped to my head] "What are you supposed to be?" ME: I'm not wearing a costume
@wolfpupy: dont put all your eggs in one basket, put them in the little egg tray in the fridge thats what its for you idiot
@HousewifeOfHell: A guest dropped by my dirty house on short notice today, so I put cleaning supplies out all over the place. They were just for show.