@OhNoSheTwitnt: Apparently "cool story, bro" is not an acceptable substitute for "congratulations" when your friend calls and tells you she's pregnant.
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@markleggett: The year is 2027 AD. I take a drag from my vitamin cigarette and transfer 17 Bitcoins to a 3D-printed babe-bot for a cyber HJ. Life is good.
@thatUPSdude: I'm not saying I'm bilingual but Brad Pitt is hot. In other news, I might not know what bilingual means.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [PAPARAZZI] Bugs Bunny is it true u were shot by Elmer Fudd [BB]°sips drink° that's ridiculous °water shoots out of holes° No more questions
@ThugRaccoons: Wife: Will you please move your stupid truck? Me: I’m sorry, move what? Wife: Ugh. Will you please move the Colossus of Roads?