@OhNoSheTwitnt: Apparently "cool story, bro" is not an acceptable substitute for "congratulations" when your friend calls and tells you she's pregnant.
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@kangel76: If "Cops" has taught me anything it's to stay away from people with blurry faces, they're nothing but trouble...
@EricGoldie: I politely asked a woman on my flight if she could put her kid in the overhead compartment & she looked at me like I was crazy or something.
@Wine_Honey1: When placing an order online for a baby shower cake, make sure you're not half asleep. COPULATIONS! IT'S A BOY just confuses everyone.
@BoydPetrich: Shouldn't Captain Crunch be Colonel Crunch by now? Apparently cereal mascot is a dead end job.