@ka_unplugged: Apparently, Engineers talk how Doctors write
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@ChickenFrecklez: Me texting friend: Hey! What's up? Buddy: *sends picture of ceiling* Me: I am so glad I didn't ask "how's it hanging"
@djdarrellripley: Me: I forbid you to go! Her: What was that? Me: You heard me! I said, "I'd really appreciate it if you'd reconsider!"
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Why do you love me? Wife: *shrugs* Me: Why do you find me annoying? Wife: *reveals six spreadsheets and a pie chart*
@CallousBalzac: Boss: How is the project coming along? Me:*closing browser of sick kick flip videos* Totally rad...icalizing our sales data analysis, Sir.