@MoneypennyNaked: Apparently even if you delete the drunk text messages you sent last night from your phone, the other person can still see them.
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@VictorscarletJ: 70 yr old boss: i have the body of a fit 30 yr old. Me: where? Buried in your rose garden?
@ryan9billion: I liked watching squirrel soap operas unfold in my backyard right up until the damn neighbor cat murdered all the actors.
@xLiserx: Superman hides his identity w/ glasses & a side part. I wear a quilt w/ eye holes & it's still "Lisa, you've been banned from this Wendy's".
@TheRolo: Me: [Sits down to eat breakfast] Girlfriend: Babe, you forgot the French Toast Me: Oh sorry [raises glass] VIVE LA FRANCE!