@MoneypennyNaked: Apparently even if you delete the drunk text messages you sent last night from your phone, the other person can still see them.
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@That_Damn_Duck: *Watching YouTube videos* Boss: What are you watching? Me: .... Boss: ... Me: Church? Boss: That's a dog on a unicycle. Me: Praise The Lord!
@jake_likes_naps: "WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS GOING ON? IS THAT RAIN? OH GOD I WISH I HAD EYES" - Worms
@pancake_puns: did you know the official veterinary term for your cat eating something it shouldn't is "dietary indiscretion" which absolutely sounds like a cat politician trying to downplay its irresponsible past