@B1gBrainsMcGee: Apparently everyone was too high in the 70's when Grease came out to notice that every "student" at Rydell High looked like they were 35
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@Shock_Monster: Hush little baby, Don't say a word. Daddy's gonna buy you a bunch of crap so he doesn't have to hear your incessant whining ya spoiled brat.
@shutupmikeginn: [my first cutaway on The Bachelorette] I can eat more roses than any of these guys
@Brianhopecomedy: A conversation between 2 vegans: "I'm a vegan." "I'm a vegan too." "Oh." "So...you're a vegan?" "Yes, I am a vegan." "Me too."
@Dear_Booze: ME: "I'll have a rum & coke." HIM: "I can't serve you." ME: "Because I'm too drunk?" HIM: "No. 'cause this is a hardware store."