@Holidayze: Apparently fat people in scooters despise being called a cripple-potamous
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@TheTweetOfGod: The odds of Jesus coming a second time are about the same as those of ANY man coming a second time. #amirightladies
@1BigMick: When I drop my son off at school I do one arm pushups at the entrance to let the other dads know that's what's up. But they're all at work.
@mantej: God was truly looking out for me today — I opened a bag of air and found a few Lay’s potato chips inside.
@Snikoggs: [Job Interview] "It says in your CV that you are quick at mathematics. What is 17 X 19?" "36" "That's not even close" "But it was quick"