@704919828: Apparently googling "how to get suspended with pay" from my work computer is frowned on by my employer.
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@LizHackett: A child is being pushed around in a pink toy convertible while eating a chocolate frosted donut, and I want to ask her how she got this job.
@youcancallmesim: Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
@WarningPuzzle: *walks into bar with camera* Me: Can I take a shot of this glass? Bartender: Take a pitcher, it'll last longer