@704919828: Apparently googling "how to get suspended with pay" from my work computer is frowned on by my employer.
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@Birdhumms: "Happy Anniversary to you both, may you have a long marriage with many more years ahead" she hexed.
@HFromTheNam: Husband:-"So when you starting back at the gym"? Me:-"Why"? H:-"Because you need to" His funeral takes place next week.
@AGreaterMonster: So the Macarena turns out to be about a girl double-teaming her boyfriend's friends. Now we know the lyrics were crowd-sourced from Twitter.
@AaronFullerton: I think it's unfair that when a human eats uncooked fish it's "sushi," but when a fish eats uncooked human, it's "a shark attack."