@704919828: Apparently googling "how to get suspended with pay" from my work computer is frowned on by my employer.
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@aparnapkin: Hinder: an app that locates available singles nearby who will stall your life in some significant way
@okimstillhungry: Me on Masterchef: Ive made a roasted pork kebab breaded with buttermilk cornbread and served with a tomato reduction Them: This is a corndog
@PyrBliss: Never knew why pajama tops had pockets on them, but I just filled mine up with cookies to bring back to bed and now it makes complete sense.
@thejessbess: I wrote a poem: Dinosaurs, they used to roar, but... No more. Still mad atchu, meteor.