@704919828: Apparently googling "how to get suspended with pay" from my work computer is frowned on by my employer.
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@decentbirthday: cop: the perp was found with red paint on his fingers, so i guess you could say he was caught.. *looks at camera* why is there a camera here
@topaz_kell: When I treat people the way I want to be treated, they get weirded out when I start brushing their hair.
@Book_Krazy: Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means? Me: That it's only Wednesday