@Roohani19: Apparently, "he's an army officer" isn't the correct response to "who's your daddy".
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@iwearaonesie: *opens paper towels* dog me: It's not food *opens mail* dog me: It's not food *opens package of scissors* dog me: It's not f
@FABrezebabe: *does coke* *has unprotected sex* *smokes cigarettes* "oh haha no I don't drink soda because it's bad for you"
@murrman5: excuse me, waitress? "I'm not a waitress" Oh, what are you then "Well, I'm a..*turns to other burger king employee* what the hell are we?"