@Roohani19: Apparently, "he's an army officer" isn't the correct response to "who's your daddy".
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@awkwardphilippe: HER: deeper ME: I can't do it captain, the thrusters are already at full power HER: get off me
@MrsMikePatton: I just fell down the stairs holding a guitar and accidentally wrote a One Direction song.
@McNevich: Hi guys! Nick is very handsome and an amazing cook. Are there any nice girls interested inMOM GET OFF MY TWITTER YOU'RE RUINING EVERYTHING
@UNTRESOR: I never give money to those Salvation Army people because I know they're just gonna spend it on more bells.