@kellysdf: Apparently, if you Google "boss" and "chloroform" from your work computer, it sets off an alarm somewhere.
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@Sarcasticsapien: Rejecting someone by saying "you deserve someone better" is a fun way to let a person know you'd rather insult yourself than to date them.
@Lisa_Laughs_: I'm torn between having 'wish you were here' or 'look behind you' engraved on my headstone.
@WilliamAder: "Grammies" is a shortening of "gramophones." Now that most people listen to music on their smartphones, the awards should probably be called (and I love this) "Phonies."
@seamusmckracken: Sometimes, when I’m washing my hair with coconut shampoo, I close my eyes and picture being on a remote tropical island, being cooked in a giant pot by canibals.