@Parentpains: Apparently "I'll break your god damn legs" isn't the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
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@KenJennings: Before the Internet, I guess I just assumed all my friends knew how to spell "definitely."
@SteveSuckington: [first date] "You're not into anything weird right?" -not at all *gestures to my ferret army to fall back*
@Chumpstring: ME: I lied in my interview. BOSS: what was the lie? ME: all lies. except about my aunt. BOSS: she wants to party with me? ME: big time.