@simoncholland: Apparently it is "against church policy" to drop your kids off in the nursery and then go to brunch.
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@AnkCoupleTO: [on the phone] Me: I can't make it in today Boss: That's the 3rd time this week M: *neck deep in Kit Kat wrappers* I have a problem
@RorynotRoy: The girl that just walked by gave my dog a double take like she thought she might've gone to high school with him.
@markedly: Dunkin Donuts: Sorry, we’re out of chocolate glazed. Me: [about to lose it] No Mark, save this feeling. Use it for your art.
@SamDeLanche: 7: Dad, why did the Tooth Fairy write me a check? Me: I don't know but she needs you to hold on to it until the 15th.