@Tmoney68: Apparently, it's "bad manners" to stare at a female coworker for 30 seconds, then ask if she's self-conscious about her hair.
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@robdelaney: 9 out of 10 dentists agree: golf is a fantastic way to avoid raising your children.
@NamestartswithZ: SCIENTIST: You are my finest creation, and I love you like a son even though you've malfunctioned and now only say- ROBOT: Fight me, dipshit
@RoosterMustache: [having sex] ME: oh yeah do you like that HER: faster! ME: *like an auctioneer* doyoulikethat-isee$5foryes-$5foryes-doisee$10-$10foryes
@desi_princess: Can any of you read your Chinese food bill? Looks like they charged me for a chicken lo-mein, a python, Africa, and a diet Coke.