@aprilmaywilson: Apparently it's 'inappropriate' to show up at your therapist's home to swim in her new pool even though your 'boundary issues' paid for it.
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@causticbob: Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that was an evil scientist that experimented with cadavers. His name was Frank
@KalvinMacleod: [parole hearing] OFFICER: are u reformed? ME: I— O: go on M: I th— O: tell us M: I'm— O: yes M: can I finish my sentence O: ok parole denied
@TheMichaelRock: HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
@UNTRESOR: I don't see what the big deal is with vaccinating your kids. My mom vaccinated me plenty and I turned out shapes.