@What_A_Dame_42: Apparently it's not acceptable to moan when someone is demonstrating a choke hold on you in crisis prevention training.
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@notacroc: [restaurant] ME: *reading menu* how's the chicken parm? OUR WAITER, TONY THE TIGER: it's grr- MANAGER: *glares at Tony* TONY: it's exquisite
@LetsQuoteComedy: In 1000 years, archaeologists will find tanning beds and think we fried people as punishments.
@PhuckinCody: [first date] me: what's ur favorite word? her: probably "ethereal," it means- me: mine is "shuttlecock."
@LostFelicia: Hey y'all, I finally got a smart phone. I'm a big girl now! Anyone got a 5 year old I can borrow to teach me how to use the damn thing?