@Cherbearxo: Apparently it's okay for the office to have "casual Friday's," but "nudist Tuesday's" are frowned upon. How embarrassing for me.
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@hasht4g: I wonder how long it will be before "You look like a million bucks" is an insult. #inflation
@TheAlexP: Maybe raccoons aren't really digging through trash for food, Maybe they're just looking for something to remove their eye shadow.
@david8hughes: [first day as homicide detective] Cop: any signs of forced entry? Me: yeah, a bullet somehow forced its way through his face & into his head
@alive_and_dying: One day, when you least expect it, every single one of your problems will finally be gone. Oddly enough, so will you.