@houffy: Apparently Mr. Neeson's "particular set of skills" is terrible at keeping his family from getting kidnapped.
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@TheSadnesses: [first date] “So… you didn’t mention that you’re trapped in 230 million year old amber.” [my motionless eyes glint within my golden shell]
@JhonRules: me: you know they never did catch the zodiac killer guy next to me on the bus: why do you keep saying that
@IamEnidColeslaw: That awkward moment when I tried starting a slow clap in the hospital after my uncle died.
@HatfieldAnne: You in the crosswalk: I stopped for you. I stopped. I'm stopped. I won’t unstop. Don’t look at me. Just walk. Go. For the love of God.