@houffy: Apparently Mr. Neeson's "particular set of skills" is terrible at keeping his family from getting kidnapped.
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@roxiqt: [God making spaghetti] ANGEL: Did you accidentally drop a lasagna in the paper shredder? GOD: [taking bong rip] Bold of you to assume it was an accident.
@House_Feminist: If you want my kids to actually act thankful on Thanksgiving serve kraft mac n cheese, goldfish and apple juice.
@frogshack: I feel so stupid for believing in Santa Claus. How did I not realize this whole time it was my parents delivering the gifts to everyone in the world