@StrawburyDelite: Apparently, my office doesn't think the women's restroom needs a tampon disposal, so wrapped it up and put it in their suggestion box.
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@shegotagronk: You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.
@GrantTanaka: Went to an Air & Space museum today, nothing was in there. I asked "So what's the exhibit?" & the guy was like "You're breathing it, man."
@GrantTanaka: Waitress: Can I take this out of the way for you? Me: [glances at wife] uh…sure Wife: SHE MEANS THE PLATE, IDIOT
@I_am_Lukem: Get your hero name by doing something brave and seeing what the newspapers call you. I'm Local Man.