@Tmoney68: Apparently, my superpower is being invisible to bartenders.
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@treydayway: Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
@Home_Halfway: INTERVIEWER: What's your biggest weakness? VANILLA ICE: I've been known to steal under pressure
@WittySassBasket: H: this may be difficult, but you're pregnant. *flips table* *punches mirror* THAT IS THE LAST TIME I BUY CLEAN URINE OFF CRAIG'S LIST!
@TheCatWhisprer: Telling my toddler not to chase the cat around with her nunchucks is easily the coolest thing I've ever said as a dad or a human.