@9GAG: Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and follow them up with "Ah, I guess you had to be there."
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@ConcernedSirGuy: People are like, "How cute! Your dog looks just like you!" I'm like, "That's my son."
@lovemydogduck: 24 astronauts were born in Ohio. What is about your state that makes people want to flee the Earth?
@Dawn_M_: During a zombie apocalypse, establish dominance by approaching the baddest zombie with the snappiest teeth and braid his hair.
@TheMichaelRock: Shout out to Debra on Facebook for saving lives by letting everyone know that the snow is slippery.