@9GAG: Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon, and follow them up with "Ah, I guess you had to be there."
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@Donna_McCoy: I knew I'd pissed off Mother Nature when she sent a hurricane to wash my car and then left it on my roof.
@TaylorComedy: It's so annoying when you're trying to poison someone but they're just not thirsty :(
@TheBoydP: I'm not saying it would kill me to work out, I'm just saying my wife bought me a gym membership and doubled my life insurance...
@TheCatWhisprer: Accidentally connected my Fitbit account to Facebook and now everyone knows I only walked 13 steps yesterday.