@Donna_McCoy: Apparently, "No kidding!" isn't a good response when your boss says he's confused.
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@PaperWash: mom: I'm not your friend I'm your mother! [20 years later] mom: why won't you accept my friend request on FB? I'm your mother
@PowKapowBoom: My cat is stuck in a Cheeto bag and I'm really pissed that I didn't think of that first.
@flashember: [Giraffe Weatherman] "Yes Bob, we have a major blizzard happening up here but *giraffe lowers head* on the ground we're still looking good."
@alextranquada: EXORCIST: the previous tenant was murdered. You can see their ghost in the background of this photo SPOOKY GHOST VOICE: oooomg deleeeete it