@CatherineLMK: Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
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@iamspacegirl: [At the Rumble] her *aggressively taking off earrings and heels* me *desperately trying to find somewhere to set down my ice cream cone*
@Brianhopecomedy: *grabs knife, cuts forehead, lies on floor* Wife walks in: "WHAT HAPPENED?" "A burglar came in right when I was about to clean the house"
@jctwritesstuff: Me: I only wanted a little mayo! I can't eat this! Him: Does it matter that much? Me: Well, would you like me to stab you a little or a lot?
@meganamram: I know I'm being such a grammar Nazi, but it's "Jew-rats make me NAUSEATED," not "Jew-rats make me NAUSEOUS"