@Sassafrantz: Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
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@SaraMansford: So I called up the Captain, please bring me my wine. He said: "ma'am, this is a cruise. Please don't call me again if there's no emergency"
@wife_housy: Being a mom means being the first one up in the morning, the last one to bed at night, and the only one drinking during church.
@aSapCoolDad: *shows up to marathon with perfect hair* Yeah I've been conditioning a lot for this race