@Sassafrantz: Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
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@sarcasticmommy4: It isn't until your kids start talking back that you realize dogs would've been a better option.
@Boleyngirly: I slept like a rock last night meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
@mjkspeaks: [interview] Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? Me: "OMG I'M NOT A PSYCHIC THE SIGN SAID NO SKILLS REQUIRED!"
@fro_vo: asked my dentist out but she brushed me off, said she only dates plaque guys Not gonna paste any more time on that cavitease, it’s her floss