@Sassafrantz: Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
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@girlontapas: He told me I was too pretty not to smile. So I flipped him off, tackled him and shoved my middle finger up his nose. Now I'm smiling.
@carlawh: Yes, I DO think "did you bring my pizza?" is an acceptable answer when you're in a public bathroom and someone knocks on the door.
@GavinProbably: How did Hitler tie his shoes? In knotsies. (The unfollow button is only a click away)
@squirrel74wkgn: [at Doctor's office] "When's the last time you had sex?" Last night. "With a male or female?" Oh...with another person?