@Token_Geezer: Apparently, saying “Wow, you’ve grown since I last saw you” isn’t deemed socially acceptable when said to adults.
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@vexroid: This restaurant should really be giving me a discount for ordering carryout and not bringing my kids inside.
@FunnyMojoJojo: Last week I chopped my neighbour's tree and now it's growing back because his-tree repeats itself...
@causticbob: I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It's true. After going to the gym earlier I've decided I'm never going again.
@_davidlucas_: Don't forget to contemplate the meaning of life while standing in the cycle lane with your car door wide open today.