@MrSandeepP: Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.
@d_haggar: I want this election to be over so badly you'd think it was a friend's play.
@obviousplant_: Left at a local drug store...
@amishschool: Me: SORRY I HAVE TO HANG UP I'M HEADING INTO A TUNNEL
* hangs up land-line *
@brittarnett: officer: give me your name
me: then what am I going to use?
@E_lok44: If you eat a block of cheese and do a lunge, it should balance out, right?
Actually, it was less lunge, more trip, but still.