@AngrEdmontonian: Apparently, "Step up your game" isn't the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
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@david8hughes: [skydiving with my dog] Me: ur ears r inside out My dog: can't hear u my ears r inside out Me: it's the wind My dog: I think it's the wind
@RobinMcCauley: Can't stop thinking about really disturbing things today, like what if they had called him Illinois Jones.
@Lindzeta: Didn't u hate it when as a kid u got the "mystery flavor" lollipop & the mystery ended up being that your parents got divorced (Or lemon)?
@girl_a_whirl: Giving birth? Passing a gallstone? Monica Seles tennis match? Possible scenarios from sounds emitted from chic on elliptical next to me