@AngrEdmontonian: Apparently, "Step up your game" isn't the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
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@juliussharpe: Meet your girlfriend's brother then realize you're screwing the female version of a guy.
@Fred_Delicious: "Dad can we get a puppy?" "No but we can get a submarine if you like?" [2 hours later 3000m beneath the pacific] "dad I should be at school"
@AntDiPalma: A religious family member literally said "Spongebob goes too far sometimes" and I can not stop laughing.