@AngrEdmontonian: Apparently, "Step up your game" isn't the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
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@MensHumor: You can tell by a woman's feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
@Sean_Burgundy_: Prank caller: Is your refrigerator running? Me: Of course. Can't have these bodies at room temperature
@TheBoydP: 19 showed us what he has learned at college when he asked "can we drink screwdrivers while we are opening presents?" *making screwdrivers*