@mrjohntofu: Apparently telling someone you'll catch their next wedding is unacceptable, whatevers.
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@iAmDelFreaky: ~The Discovery of Fruit~ Ok, so far you've named the red one apple and the yellow one banana. What about the orange one? Really? *sighs*
@dmroberts1000: Gf: why have you been googling 'can you milk a hamster' Me: *wipes milk from mouth* it was for a tweet
@markleggett: My hairdresser told me that his marriage is crumbling. So, here’s my business idea: A hair salon where they don’t tell me shit like that.