@CollegeHumor: Apparently the Burger King account is suspended while they think of a stronger password than "horsemeat".
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@matt___nelson: *pretends to get an urgent text so I can turn around after I notice I'm walking in the wrong direction*
@TragicAllyHere: A fun part of marriage is arguing over who deserves to use the charger in the car. PROVE IT, SHOW ME YOUR PERCENTAGE
@RoyalThough: My heart says food, food and more food...but my jeans say, for the love of God, eat salad😪