@iwearaonesie: Apparently the first thing you should say after you back over your wife's foot is "I'm sorry" not "I guess that means no sex tonight"
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@P_Liesenhoff: US customs officer during passport check at airport: You were born in Beirut? Why the GER passport?? Me: No, it’s Bayreuth, see, the spelling is different! Him: What’s the difference? Me: My town is in GER, the other is in the Middle East. Him: Sir! Are you from the Middle East??
@pinupteacher: The confused head tilt your dog does but me when someone asks me if I want fries or salad.
@Black__Elvis: They say the camera adds ten pounds so my girlfriend only needs to lose about four or five cameras before bikini season.