@hurlarious: Apparently the g-spot is located in a $1700 pair of Christian Louboutins.
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@Brianhopecomedy: My wife said she expects the house to be clean by the time she walks in the door so I changed all of the locks.
@AdamTheLobster: This may be racist but whenever I have a test in class I try to get a seat next to a dolphin because they are usually really smart.
@krautsider: If you ever feel like a complete moron never forget that I managed to text my wife today that she forgot her mobile at home. You're welcome.
@Reverend_Scott: VENOM: Time to meet your maker! SPIDER-MAN: The radioactive spider? VENOM: No, like- SPIDER-MAN: My dad? Cuz he's dead. Wow, ur a douche.