@realHamOnWry: Apparently, the latest gadget used by suicide bombers around the world is a vest completely made of Galaxy Note 7s.
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@ValeeGrrl: Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share.
@thatUPSdude: For Halloween I put a empty bowl outside my door with a sign that says "please take one" That way it looks like I actually had candy once
@Dorkstar: I appreciate people venturing into entrepreneurship but is it really necessary to call yourself CEO when your firm is total of 3 people?
@SirEviscerate: GIRL: Spirit, should I have sex with this guy? ME: *tries to push the ouija pointer to yes but it won't move* (under breath) grandma, PLEASE