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@adambroach: Apparently, this is how the world ends.
@PopSlapFunk: I don't mean to brag about my patience, but I just waited 5 whole seconds before passing a student driver and flicking them off.
@duplicitron: *robs craft store with hot glue gun*
@lasergirl70: My cat that died 3 years ago got a letter saying she needs to register if she wants to vote, showing how well Florida handles elections.
@TrelawnySara: creating an app called Friends With Pools. It's exactly what you think it is.
@Donnie_Fairburn: "Son, hey son"
"Know why we named you Adopted?"
*Sighs* Because I'm adop-
"BECAUSE YOU'RE ADOPTED"
Good one dad
"I'm not your dad"