@laurajennyjo: Apparently trapping people in an elevator overnight (even if you have marsh mellows) not a good way to make friends, people are so sensitive
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@ElliotHetherton: Me: I got mugged today Friend: you should tell the police [later] Sting: there is literally nothing I can do to help you
@laurajennyjo: I'm gonna start following my cat to the litter box and sit in her lap while she takes a shit
@SCbchbum: I never wanted to hug someone as badly as the little old man who just ordered a "small coffee flavored coffee" in Starbucks.
@SufficientCharm: I was doing well on my diet until I got my period and had to eat four pieces of pizza, a block of cheese, two candy bars, and seven houses.