@drinksmcgee: Apparently, using a french fry and an onion ring to simulate how I wanted the rest of the evening to go wasn't the most romantic move ever.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Sarcasticsapien: [walks up to coworker's desk] I know I don't say this often enough, but thank you for not showing me pictures of your kids.
@MandiAtRandom: Forgot to do laundry again. I bet everyone at work is going to love my prom dress.
@DamienFahey: The government says 50 terror plots have been thwarted since NSA surveillance. What a perfectly even, unsuspicious number.
@phranqueigh: "You're not like the other girls." "Yeah, that's pretty much how this works. We're literally all different ones."