@Up2Long: Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I'm stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
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@TheToddWilliams: [date] ME: Tell me about yourself HER: I love good listeners and Fred Astaire ME: That's weird HER: What is? ME: Being afraid of stairs
@Xoolun: My wife said she wants to be treated like gold on her birthday. Apparently, locking her in the safe wasn't what she had in mind.
@GrandadJFreeman: Girls are like police. Even when they get a hold of all the evidence, they still want to hear the truth from you...