@Up2Long: Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I'm stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Women would be better serial killers if they didn't smile when people mention someone's been missing
@Brampersandon_: *zips up tent* [Wife]: What happened [Me,scratched up & clothes ripped]: I was uh.. *flashback to me being chased by a bee* wrestling a bear
@KalvinMacleod: It's important to teach your children math so they can better understand what episode of Star Wars they are watching.