@OhNoSheTwitnt: Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to stay in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
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@LionJenkins: Me: Doctor, it hurts when I go like this. Doctor: You're not doing anything. You're just sitting there being alive. Me: Exactly.
@truegritrumble: ME: If I go to bed now, I'll be rested for the big meeting tomorrow. INSOMNIA: The world is just waiting for you to start a blog.
@CodyJP9412: [Petco] INTERVIEWER: We're looking for a real cat person. ME: *slowly pushes paperwork off desk* INTERVIEWER: holy shit
@Phook75: I'm 89% certain I'm technically still dating at least 3 women from the late 90's early 2000's cause I left for beer and never came back