@JasonLastname: Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be YOUR blood.
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@PlatinumShower: Every time the wife pisses me off, I hollow out her tampons and pack them with strawberry Pop Rocks.
@GoodZiIIa: [gets down on one knee] her: omg [gets down on two knees] her: ok... [gets down on third knee] her: wtf
@AmishPornStar1: Being attacked by a shark is frightening enough... But it's even more terrifying when you notice he also has a big cold sore on his lip.
@WilliamAder: 9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won't tell you what they're wearing.