@DaddyJew: Apparently when your boss asks if you're on drugs "which drugs?" isn't the appropriate response. I know this now.
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@calamitydaisy: I feel a burst of superiority when I trick a fly into flying out of my car window.
@GonzoVice: There is a huge body of evidence to support the notion that me and the police were put on this earth to do extremely different things.
@splegge: Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don't like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
@ArfMeasures: WIFE: Don't tell the kids but I threw away those awful pictures they made & stuck on the fridge ME: [sprinting towards the bin] MY ART