@TheHyyyype: Apparently when your wife says "let's make a baby," she doesn't mean assemble an infant from clay and chant The Old Words inside a pentagram
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@RexHuppke: When the priest says "Body of Christ" I say "Thanks, I've been working out." Then I grab the cracker and run back to my seat.
@carlyken: [bank robbery] OK EVERYBODY GET DOWN! [dave starts doing the electric slide] Damn it Dave, not you, go grab the money
@Brianhopecomedy: I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she'll do today is buy bedroom curtains.
@jonnysun: maybe bears omly like honey so much becuase their throats hurt from all the growlimg they do