@truegritrumble: Apparently you can build quite a reputation if you go to all the Christian bookshops and ask if they carry Harry Potter.
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@NOTVIKING: interviewer: so why do you want to be a driver for UPS me: [thinking about the time they “accidentally” lost my package and how i’m going to “accidentally” lose one of their trucks] the benefits
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: (Rushes to hospital) Dr: Your mother is extremely critical. Me: Don't overreact doctor, she's like that with everyone.
@ParasiteHilton: "HAHA WTF LMAO OMG LOL HAHA WTF LMAO LMAO HAHA LOL OMG LMAO LOL WTF LMAO" - Birds at 6AM