@MsBross: Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children. Adults tend to get offended.
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@squirrel74wkgn: [at wedding] Pastor: If anyone opposes, speak now or forever hold your peace Me (raises hand) Pastor: It's your wedding Me (lowers hand)
@CheryeDavis: Nothing makes me more proud of my son's sense of humor, than when he asks me for help with his algebra homework.
@BrandonVine: I bet when Kanye was little he played tag by himself, then argued with himself on whether he was tagged or not.