@Reverend_Scott: Apparently you can't make a baby by adding water to baby powder, so don't waste your time.
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@somecleverthing: discontinue use and talk to your doctor if you experience death, as this may be a sign of a more serious condition.
@LovestruckLayla: So I have one coworker who uses "irregardless" and another who uses "unappropriate" and now I'm over trying to conversate with these people.
@Brampersandon_: [zoo] Hey dad, where are mountain lions from? *dad panics* -Uhh...you see, son, when a mountain and a lion love each other very much...
@BorowitzReport: Romney: "I have nothing but respect for women. I'm good friends with the owners of some."