@Crunk_Jews: Apparently, you still fail a roadside sobriety test if you just lay down and take a nap.
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@Lowenaffchen: Katana is Japanese for "sword". In Japan they have great respect for swords and their moms dont knock them off the wall while vacuuming
@lejessica: I like to have a glass of water around to make sure there aren't any dinosaurs approaching.
@SexytotheNorth: [First date] Me: What do you prefer, flat or sparkling? Him: Water? Me: No, my personality.
@stoneman67: I followed this woman on a bike with an empty baby seat for a half a mile yelling, "your baby jumped out!" before she gave me the finger.