@Crunk_Jews: Apparently, you still fail a roadside sobriety test if you just lay down and take a nap.
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@Ms_WhateverV: "You can't tell me what to do! I do what I want!"- toddlers, teenagers and US congress
@FuckabillyRex: I have a bad feeling I'll be wearing one of those barrels with suspenders by the end of the year, but not in a fun, whimsical way.
@batkaren: Cop: And how would you describe the assailant? Me: I guess I'd start with hair, eye, and skin color. Probably height and weight next...
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What happens when you die? Me: You go to heaven. 4: No, I mean when you die, do I get your stuff?